Friday, 15 April 2011

Star Wars used to be great

Along with millions of other people I love Star Wars. I can't put my finger on exact why the films are so good, they just are. There's something very endearing about the story and the characters that somehow strikes a chord. Of course I'm talking about the original trilogy, A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. I've seen the new films, although saying that they're hardly new any more, and I enjoyed them, or so I thought. I'm the kind of person who goes to the cinema with the attitude of I've paid good money to see this film so I'm damn well going to enjoy it. Fortunately for me I enjoy most films I see, with the exception of Epic Movie. Please never watch this film. Never buy the DVD, rent it, or watch it on TV. Do something more constructive like cutting your grass with a spoon, painting your carpet or drinking non alcoholic beer. Anyway, the new Star Wars films. I didn't leave the cinema particularly unsatisfied. Without thinking about it too much I thought the films were okay. Turns out I was wrong. Someone introduced me to the Red Letter Media Star Wars reviews. After watching these I realised that there really is no room for any doubt that the films were absolute turd. Everything about them was awful. But don't take it from me, watch the reviews. Not only are they informative, they're also hilarious. I warn you, this is no small undertaking, The Phantom Menace review is roughly one hour and ten minutes and it's the shortest of the three!

My favourite part of all three reviews is a section in the Attack of the Clones review where the reviewer, Plinkett, analyses Padme and Anakin's relationship. Needless to say he goes into great detail, but the part which makes me laugh the most is when he lists what Anakin did wrong and what he did right. For my own amusement, and so I have a reason to watch it again, I've listed Anakin's WINS and FAILS according to Plinkett:

WINS
  • Good looks
  • Talks about love
  • Carries her luggage
  • Listens to her prattle on about herself

FAILS
  • Inappropriate compliments
  • Inappropriate assertiveness
  • Talks about himself too much
  • Creepy sex looks
  • Interrupting
  • Losing temper
  • Forced apology
  • Supports fascism
  • Begging for sex
  • Murders women and children
  • Brings corpse home
  • Psychotic megalomaniac ranting
  • Weird, creepy comments (many times)

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